Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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