Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
