It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
