me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
