Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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