I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
