i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
