FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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