There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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