both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
