and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
