let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼‍♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
