No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
