the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
