He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
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i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
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When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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