So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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