i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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