No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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