Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
