If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
