Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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