Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
