she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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