Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I will be naked everywhere
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
