You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
