There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
