If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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