now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
