I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
