WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
