so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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