I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
