he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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