i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
