So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
