Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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