Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
