if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
