Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
