Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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