i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
