i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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