to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
