woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
