sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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