Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Boobs are out for the taking
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
