I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
