Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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