Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
