so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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