Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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