hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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