go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
