I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
