How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
