im drinking this country out of the recession.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
