I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
