It's like God shit irony all over that family
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
