she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
