i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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