I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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