Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She bit a glass in half.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
