Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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