Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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