i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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