I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
