mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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